Holy adulting! I am way out of my comfort zone here. Yesterday was my son’s first birthday party and we hosted it in our home. Our daughter was born in January and our house is tiny, so we haven’t had her birthdays at the house. I was in way over my head.
Luckily I spent all day Saturday getting things ready so I was well prepared for the day. Until guests started to arrive. I was so nervous I had butterflies in my tummy for an hour or so.
But the party went pretty well! Jr scored tons of new clothes and toys, everyone ate and we didn’t run out of food, and the kids had a blast. It was really my first time hosting a party for that many people, and I think it actually went quite well. And grammie and papa took the kids home for the night, so we even got some mommy and daddy time when the party was over. All in all the day was a success, and I’ll gladly do it again (but not until next year!)
Tomorrow is my son’s first birthday party. My husband left Thursday night for graduation weekend at his alma mater, an event he hasn’t been able to attend in over 15 years. I was happy to have him go, he’s been stressed out lately and definitely needed a little man time. But it hasn’t been a cake walk since he left.
I’m busy trying to get the house and yard ready for guests, shopping for food, choosing everyone’s outfits, on top of my normal day to day stuff and two toddlers. Jr just started walking, and now he won’t stop. He’s already climbing on furniture.(must be a boy thing!) I’ve been managing surprisingly well, and I’m pretty darn proud of myself for it.
I have one more run to make after Jr wakes up from his nap, and have to finish mopping the kitchen and cleaning the bathroom, and then my chores will basically be finished. The best part of it all is that I’ve been too busy trying to get everything done that I haven’t really had time to be depressed. I’ve been talking to God the past few days and I think he’s been giving me strength. The power of prayer truly is incredible!
I have been extremely depressed lately. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, exactly, but it’s gotten pretty bad this last week or so. I’m completely unmotivated to do anything, I haven’t worked out in 10 days, I’ve been eating like crap, not taking care of myself or the house. I could go on. The weather wasn’t particularly bad, until a couple days ago. It was actually really nice and felt like summer. It’s raining now, and I know the weather plays a huge part in my depression.
I know what I have to do to pull myself out of it, but I just can’t seem to force myself to do any of those things. It’s like a secret part of me deep down inside just wants me to continue to mope and wallow. I know that’s just my mental illness feeding itself, or even the devil trying to pull me further away from God. I was doing so well, praying and going to church regularly before this bout of depression set in. Being closer to God definitely makes me feel better, but I’ve strayed away from it, yet again.
It may have something to do with the anniversary of my sister’s death being last week. It’s always a difficult time for me, and this year was no different. I actually visited her at the cemetery for the first time in over 4 years. May 15th was the 11th anniversary of her passing, and the first time I took the kids to go see her.
I even postponed the kids doctor’s appointment they were supposed to go to yesterday. This is not the way I want to feel, and hopefully getting it out will help me to move past it in a healthy way. I have responsibilities that need taking care of this week, so I have to try to be something that resembles an adult. Jr’s first birthday party is this weekend, so I have to clean the house and get the yard ready for that, along with food and cake and ice cream. It seems like a daunting task from as far down as I feel right now, especially with taking care of two toddlers on top of it, but I know that I can use my coping skills, turn my thoughts around, and get it done.
Sometimes I still can’t believe that I’m actually a mom. For the longest time I said I was never gonna get married or have kids, so motherhood feels very foreign to me. I sit back and just think, “Wow, I’m really a mom of two beautiful children.”
I waited a lot longer than most of the people I know. I didn’t become a mom until I was almost 28, and some of my friends had kids in the double digits already. I’m glad I waited, because I feel like I can handle the stress of being a parent much better than I could have 10 years ago.
Today my Little Man turns 1. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. It feels surreal sometimes, like I’m living someone else’s life. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s nothing better than spending time with my kids. Happy First Birthday, Jr. Mommy loves you ❤