Am I A Hostess? 

Am I A Hostess? 

Holy adulting! I am way out of my comfort zone here. Yesterday was my son’s first birthday party and we hosted it in our home. Our daughter was born in January and our house is tiny, so we haven’t had her birthdays at the house. I was in way over my head. 

Luckily I spent all day Saturday getting things ready so I was well prepared for the day. Until guests started to arrive. I was so nervous I had butterflies in my tummy for an hour or so. 

But the party went pretty well! Jr scored tons of new clothes and toys, everyone ate and we didn’t run out of food, and the kids had a blast. It was really my first time hosting a party for that many people, and I think it actually went quite well. And grammie and papa took the kids home for the night, so we even got some mommy and daddy time when the party was over. All in all the day was a success, and I’ll gladly do it again (but not until next year!)

Am I Doing My Chores?

Am I Doing My Chores?

Tomorrow is my son’s first birthday party. My husband left Thursday night for graduation weekend at his alma mater, an event he hasn’t been able to attend in over 15 years. I was happy to have him go, he’s been stressed out lately and definitely needed a little man time. But it hasn’t been a cake walk since he left. 

I’m busy trying to get the house and yard ready for guests, shopping for food, choosing everyone’s outfits, on top of my normal day to day stuff and two toddlers. Jr just started walking, and now he won’t stop. He’s already climbing on furniture.(must be a boy thing!)  I’ve been managing surprisingly well, and I’m pretty darn proud of myself for it. 

I have one more run to make after Jr wakes up from his nap, and have to finish mopping the kitchen and cleaning the bathroom, and then my chores will basically be finished. The best part of it all is that I’ve been too busy trying to get everything done that I haven’t really had time to be depressed. I’ve been talking to God the past few days and I think he’s been giving me strength. The power of prayer truly is incredible!

Am I Always Late?

Am I Always Late?

One major difference between my Gen-X’er husband and myself is our idea of what being on time means. Growing up my family was late for everything. I mean absolutely everything. We were always the last ones to arrive at a family get together, softball games, bowling league, etc. It was the running joke in my extended family. 

Being late has never seemed like a big deal to me, but to my husband it is a huge faux pas. Now as an “adult” I know the difference between an important social function that I need to arrive on time to and one that I can be a little late to. Everything isn’t black and white, there’s gray areas, especially regarding etiquette in the 21st century. It’s not 1917 anymore, and society has relaxed a bit. 

This past weekend the family was invited to a 2nd birthday party. Our kids don’t get a ton of socialization, so we decided to go. The party started at 2, and I had to shower before we went. (I’m a mom, it had been a day or two!) When I told my husband at quarter to 1 that I had to jump in the shower he went straight to panic mode. He got both the kids dressed and the diaper bag packed and the car loaded while I showered and got ready. We pulled out of the driveway at 1:30 (we had to stop for a gift still, we’re totally last minute!).

Now I know that a child’s 2nd birthday party is a huge deal to the parents and family. But it is not a serious, important social event that you have to be right on time for. There were plenty of people who showed up late or left early. Matter of fact, we were the first guests to show up, at 5 minutes til 2, and showed up the same time as the grandparents. 

My husband and I don’t necessarily agree on everything, and obviously social etiquette is one of those things. I don’t think it would be a big deal to show up late, even an hour late to an event like this. But for my husband that is a serious social blunder. So I guess I’m not always late, but if it’s just me or me and the kids, we may let a few minutes slide. 

Am I Ever Gonna Be Happy?

Am I Ever Gonna Be Happy?

I have been extremely depressed lately. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, exactly, but it’s gotten pretty bad this last week or so. I’m completely unmotivated to do anything, I haven’t worked out in 10 days, I’ve been eating like crap, not taking care of myself or the house. I could go on. The weather wasn’t particularly bad, until a couple days ago. It was actually really nice and felt like summer. It’s raining now, and I know the weather plays a huge part in my depression. 

I know what I have to do to pull myself out of it, but I just can’t seem to force myself to do any of those things. It’s like a secret part of me deep down inside just wants me to continue to mope and wallow. I know that’s just my mental illness feeding itself, or even the devil trying to pull me further away from God. I was doing so well, praying and going to church regularly before this bout of depression set in. Being closer to God definitely makes me feel better, but I’ve strayed away from it, yet again. 

It may have something to do with the anniversary of my sister’s death being last week. It’s always a difficult time for me, and this year was no different. I actually visited her at the cemetery for the first time in over 4 years. May 15th was the 11th anniversary of her passing, and the first time I took the kids to go see her. 

I even postponed the kids doctor’s appointment they were supposed to go to yesterday. This is not the way I want to feel, and hopefully getting it out will help me to move past it in a healthy way. I have responsibilities that need taking care of this week, so I have to try to be something that resembles an adult. Jr’s first birthday party is this weekend, so I have to clean the house and get the yard ready for that, along with food and cake and ice cream. It seems like a daunting task from as far down as I feel right now, especially with taking care of two toddlers on top of it, but I know that I can use my coping skills, turn my thoughts around, and get it done. 

Am I Really A Mom?

Am I Really A Mom?

Sometimes I still can’t believe that I’m actually a mom. For the longest time I said I was never gonna get married or have kids, so motherhood feels very foreign to me. I sit back and just think, “Wow, I’m really a mom of two beautiful children.”

I waited a lot longer than most of the people I know. I didn’t become a mom until I was almost 28, and some of my friends had kids in the double digits already. I’m glad I waited, because I feel like I can handle the stress of being a parent much better than I could have 10 years ago. 

Today my Little Man turns 1. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. It feels surreal sometimes, like I’m living someone else’s life. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s nothing better than spending time with my kids. Happy First Birthday, Jr. Mommy loves you ❤

Am I Watching Too Much TV?

Am I Watching Too Much TV?

I try not to be a couch potato. I try to get myself and the kids outside every day, whether it’s playing in the back yard, taking a walk, or going to the park. But we do like to watch a little TV. 

My kids are obsessed with Mickey Mouse and Daniel Tiger, so they spend their mornings watching cartoons while I tidy things up and get breakfast ready. I usually shut off the TV during breakfast and try to keep it off as long as I can. I know that I’m more active and productive when I’m not watching so much TV. 

I do have a couple of shows that I like to watch regularly. I’m a Wheel of Fortune junkie, so I try not to miss an episode. I watch Jeopardy most afternoons, and my guilty pleasure 2 Broke Girls after the kids go to bed. 

I try not to get too caught up in reality TV, and new shows that get you hooked. I’ve always thought watching TV is a waste of time. But I do occasionally binge watch a series on Netflix or HBO. I try not to do it too often, and keep my TV time to a minimum. 

I’m able to keep up with my household chores and adult responsibilities much better when I’m not sitting around watching TV all day. As much as I’d rather be lazy and lounge around on the couch all day, reality calls. It’s just after breakfast, so time to turn off the TV, put the phone down, and get my daily to-do list knocked out!

Happy Friday! 

Am I Getting Depressed?

Am I Getting Depressed?

I’ve struggled with depression on and off for as long as I can remember. It’s been a battle I’ve fought for so long I can’t remember ever living any other way. I’m currently on medication that seems to balance my emotions out most of the time, but I still find myself getting depressed from time to time. 

My husband can see it start to surface before I can. He notices the symptoms several days before I do, and has been trying to help me notice before it gets out of control. I’ve gone through quite a bit of counseling in the past few years, and learned various coping skills to manage my depression. Here are a few that help me when I’m starting to feel down:

Don’t Isolate

When I’m feeling depressed I tend to isolate myself and try to hide from the world. I will avoid leaving the house at all costs, when it gets bad enough. I don’t answer the phone or reply to texts. So I know if I’m starting to feel down I need to reach out and talk to a family member/friend, or go to a support group meeting. 

Exercise and Eat Well

I’ve always been a total comfort eater. Any time I get depressed I go straight to the junk food to make myself feel better. Of course it always ends up back firing and making me feel worse in the long run, but it’s been something I’ve struggled with since adolescence. I’ve been trying to eat a healthier, more balanced diet and exercise regularly. Fueling my body with the right nutrients and taking control of my fitness level has helped me tremendously. 

Counter Negative Thoughts 

My thought process has always leaned more toward the negative side of things, and my brain often rushes to the worst case scenario in any situation. This has been the hardest symptom of my depression to overcome. Through counseling and support groups I have learned to identify and turn around my backwards thinking. Some of the specific types of thinking I engage in are:

  • All or nothing thinking: seeing things in black and white, with no gray areas in between. 
  • Emotional reasoning: using your feelings instead of your judgment to view a situation. 
  • Mind reading: believing that you know what a person is thinking. Those are your thoughts, not theirs
  • Predicting the future: assuming what the outcome will be without letting the scenario play through. 

I know that when I let my mind go wherever it wants, it will usually lead to depression. I have to make a conscious effort to recognize these types of thoughts and retrain my brain to do the opposite. 

    Engage in Enjoyable Activities

    When my depression sets in, I don’t find any activities to be very enjoyable. But I know that once I do something I’ll start feeling better. If I’m really down I have to force myself to do most things, but in the end it’s worth it. Some of the activities I engage in are home workouts, playing with my kids, coloring, putting puzzles together, camping, kayaking, walking, etc. Getting outdoors is great for my mood, because it allows me to get much needed fresh air and sunshine as well. 

    Stick To A Routine 

    I find it helpful to have a general daily routine for myself and the kids to stick to. We’re pretty loose about it, but we try to have meals at the same time every day, take a bath after dinner, etc. I also have a cleaning schedule that I try to follow. This helps me to stay on track with what needs to be done, so nothing gets a chance to pile up on me. 
    These techniques have helped me keep my depression under control, and living a happy, healthy life with my family. There are others that I’ve tried, and more I’m sure I’ll learn in the future, but for now I will stick with what has worked for me.